Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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