go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
time to smoke my breakfast
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
