soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
