I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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