woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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