I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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