My balls are so social today.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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