I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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