Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
