White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
