they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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