Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
