spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
