Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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