community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
