is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
