just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
