Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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