I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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