have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
