I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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