I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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