So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
