theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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