He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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