I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
