i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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