At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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