I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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