There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
