Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
