Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
