I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
