Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
