Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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