and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You need Xanax blowdarts
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
