that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
