I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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