i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
