My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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