Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
