you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
