They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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