Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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