He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
