shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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