guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
