Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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