I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
