Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
