when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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