I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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